Disclaimer: The playground is by Rumiko Takahashi, I'm only swinging on the monkey bars. Remember to leave the grounds cleaner than you found them and please don't feed the Trolls. This story is archived at http://www.kawaiikunee.com/slp/ Release 0.2 (January 25, 2001) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Ninjoubanashi (just a few old-fashioned love stories) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- (4 years after the manga) (Ranma + Shampoo) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Thicker Than Water (And Much Tastier) ----------------------------------------------------------------------- 'Fighting on a *dodge, slide back* log! Again!' 'What the Hell *block high, feint low* am I doing fighting these Warriors, anyway?' 'Most of these women have *strike high, press, press* ten years or more of training on me!' 'I must be *drumroll strike, slide back, feint* out of my ...' "An opening!" Shan Pu ducked beneath a staff-blow that swung perhaps half an inch too far, foot-swept the older woman, and slammed both bonbori into her side, knocking her off the Challenge Log. Breathing deeply, she stood erect, making the formal gesture of triumph. "Bi Da has fallen to my skill. I am the victor by the Law. Do any dispute?" The massed spectators raised the formal cheer. One more deep breath to center herself. She was already tired, and there were still twelve Warriors to go. What the hell was she _doing_, anyway? She must be out of her mind! But then, scanning across the spectators, she caught a glimpse of her husband, standing on top of the Council Hall, and even in girl form his proud, loving smile nearly caused her to fall off the log in sheer bliss. But then she quickly mastered herself, and remembered. 'Oh yeah. That's right, I'm fighting for Ranma. Fighting for Ranma I can beat them all.' Returning to her end of the log, she assumed the formal posture of Challenge. Across the Dueling Grounds her voice cracked like a whip, "Next!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The last Warrior tumbled off the log beneath a vicious high-low bonbori combination. Panting, Shan Pu raised herself to her full height, standing in the very center of the Challenge Log with one bonbori raised over her head. "I call all present to witness that the Ranked Warrior Lu Fa has fallen to my skill. I am the victor by the Law, taking her place in Rank. Do any dispute?" A formal cheer was her reply, the massed Warriors too tense to do more. "I call you further to witness that I have conquered _all_ the _female_ Warriors of Rank within the Village of the Strong Woman Hero Tribe. Over them I am Victor by the Law, Ranking ahead of them in the Council! Do any dispute?" Another formal cheer, but with an even greater sense of tension. The Warriors knew what was at stake. Shan Pu's voice hardened as she assumed the formal posture of Mastery, one bonbori held across her body at the waist, the other straight down at her side. "All the _female_ Warriors. I also call you to witness that my husband, the Warrior Luan Ma, has conquered all the Warriors that have just fallen to _my_ skill. I also call you to witness that he has also conquered _me_ in Lawful Warrior's Challenge." There was a subdued "Ahhh" from the assembled spectators. "Therefor, I call you all to witness _by the Law_, that the Warrior Ranma has bested all Warriors of Rank in the Tribe. That, in so doing, he has ascended to the highest Rank in the Tribe, and that _in accordance with the Law_, as Ranking Warrior, he is the new Tribal Champion!" Again her voice cracked whip-like across the Dueling Grounds as she glared at the table where the Matriarchs sat watching. "Do any dispute these things?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- In marked contrast to Shan Pu's, the voice of the Matriarch Bo Ka was scratchy and querulous. "Foolishness! Shan Pu, you are far too indulgent of your male, already! How you managed to get _all_ of the Warriors to spread their legs for him I don't know, but as Champion you must exercise more control! The Council ..." Shan Pu's focus narrowed down to a tunnel ending at the old harridan's throat, a tunnel walled in white light that was suddenly filled by memories of the past ... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Memories of a younger Shan Pu, or Shampoo as she had been then, who had exulted in a rare opportunity to tease both Airen and Violent Girl _and_ get the pleasure of a date at the same time. Shampoo knew that Airen _did_ love Violent Girl, but then she knew that he liked _her_ too, and she was much better for him. Even then she knew that Ranma could not be _forced_, but he could be ... _persuaded_. And _persuading_ him to come back to Josoketzuku would be much better for everybody, she was sure. Airen didn't see it that way, of course, but then males were foolish creatures. Just look at Mousse. That was what the Goddesses had created Women for, to look out for them. Memories of a sudden rainstorm, and of a red-headed girl (half crazed with fear of the cat that was clinging to her shoulder) running into an alley and being accosted by several men. Memories of the neko-ken, and an alley painted scarlet by blood. Memories of agonized, terrified hours leading neko-Ranma back to help and the Tendo Dojo. Memories of panicked explanations and the slow, growing terror as they discovered the identities of the slain, and that not all of them _had_ been slain. Memories of assaults by tattooed Yakuza with knives and of gallant, foolish Mousse, dying in the process of shielding her from a drive-by attack with machine guns. Not an especially _skilled_ attack, it was true; but then, it had not had to be. Memories of Akane's face, when the choice became clear, and of the hopeless pain in Ranma's cerulean blue eyes. Memories of a midnight meeting, and an oath sworn and sealed in blood. An oath to love Ranma always, and to treat him as the Warrior he was. Memories of hasty and stealthy flight overseas, and of the slowly growing wonder as over days and months she began to truly understand just who it was that her blood-sister had given up, and just what it was that she had, most unworthily, gained. Memories of love and tears, and the first time Ranma had said, to her, "I love you", and of the two hours she had wept because of it. Memories of the undimmed wonder of their lovemaking, and of the eternal treasure that he had gifted her in the person of their daughter, the second Mu Tse. Memories of endless struggles with age-blinded fools as she attempted to keep her oaths, and of endless tests that Ranma had not merely passed but much exceeded. Memories of the quiet letters and of the shadow war that her blood- sisters waged with money and quiet words back in Japan, far beyond her protection, while she sat -no, _vegetated_ - here in the safety of the village and all that she _could_ do, all _anyone_ could do had been done, and these ... these ... withered, dried up old harridans of she-vultures sired on a dead camel by a syphilitic _hyena_ _dared_ ... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Shan Pu's battle aura ignited into a blue-white bonfire that tore the Challenge Log into a million splinters. Supported by the aura, she floated gently to earth halfway to the Matriarchs, earth and stone melting and flowing away beneath her feet. Almost snarling, she stalked towards the old women behind the table, her aura burning her footprints into the ground for the next ten thousand years. 'If these old bags will not have the Warrior Ranma, let them lose the Warrior Shan Pu as well. I don't begin to have the political capital to pull this off, but fuck that! I swore an oath. Let the Tribe see where a Warrior's honor lies!' Stalking up to the Matriarchs' Table, Shan Pu leveled a bonbori at Bo Kei, her aura shattering the two thousand year old table into dust. Bo Kei hopped backwards on her staff and the Matriarch Dao Wale actually cringed. As she caught the old woman's eyes, Shan Pu's voice came quietly but with immense weight. "Old fool, the Tribe has no time for your petulance. The Warrior Luan Ma has passed and exceeded _every_ test and is Champion by the Law. I challenge your word in Council." Bo Ka's mouth flapped up and down like a stringless puppet. Ke Lun grinned evilly, which would have put the fear of the Jade Emperor into _somebody_ if only anyone had been watching her. Finally Bo Kei found her voice, babbling, "... this is ... the Council .. you will be punished ... no support ..." before being suddenly cut off. "Old woman, be still." The new voice was sibilant and deadly. Shan Pu turned half around to see a group of warriors approaching led by the assassin Si Pizi. Shan Pu tried to prepare for anything. Si Pizi was a small, blue haired woman who looked like nothing especially much, but she had a fearsome reputation and Shan Pu knew very little about more than half of the eight Warriors following her. But, hard as she tried, Shan Pu was quite _un_prepared for what happened next. From somewhere in her cheongsam, Si Pizi pulled a drinking cup made of aged, pale wood and ivory, chased with gold. Shan Pu gasped, recognizing it as Si Pizi roared out, "I call upon the Tribe to witness the Ritual prescribed by the Law. I as a Ranked Warrior of the Strong Woman Hero Tribe, and these my sister Warriors do hereby mix our blood with the blood of our sister, the Warrior Shan Pu, and our _brother_, the _Warrior_ Luan Ma. So we swear upon the Stirrup-Cup of Hyppolyta!" Shan Pu almost swayed in her tracks as Ranma landed beside her, grinning like a loon, and Si Pizi took out her knife and cut her arm, sending a thin stream of red blood into the ancient cup. "Thus I, the Warrior Si Pizi ..." The knife passed around a quickly formed circle, "... the Warrior Tao Wale ..." "... the Warrior Shu Ga ..." "... the Warrior Ga Lan ..." "... the Warrior A Rouma ..." "... the Warrior Wa Te ..." "... the Warrior Sen Te ..." "... the Warrior Kou Cazhi ..." "... the Warrior Pa Fume ..." "... the Warrior Shan Pu ..." "... the Warrior Luan Ma! ..." "... do hereby send my blood ..." "... do hereby send my blood ..." "... to mingle with the blood ..." "... to mingle with the blood ..." "... of my Sisters and Brother." "... of my Sisters and Brother." (Ranma took malevolent glee in using the traditional phrase " ... of my Sisters.") "And as I drink our mingled blood ..." Si Pizi took the cup and sipped. "And as I drink our mingled blood ..." the cup passed around the circle. "... so we become mingled like the blood ..." "... so we become mingled like the blood ..." "... and so, as in our hearts our blood is one blood ..." "... and so, as in our hearts our blood is one blood ..." "... so also in battle our hands are one hand ..." "... so also in battle our hands are one hand ..." "... and so in Council our voices one voice." She sipped from the Cup, the blood was thick and sweet upon her tongue. "... and so in Council our voices one voice." Ranma sipped from the Cup last, and held it high, upside down, showing that no blood remained. Together they finished, "One blood, one hand, one voice!" As they turned in unison towards the stunned Bo Kai, Si Pizi said, "And our voice is spoken by our highest Ranked, the Warrior Luan Ma!" Ranma grinned evilly and said, "As my sisters' blood flows in my heart, so their voice comes from my lips." Facing Bo Kai, she assumed Saotome Deception Pose Number Three (feet almost crossed, hands behind back, tremulous smile) which didn't even fool the trainees anymore. Bo Kai gobbled speechlessly, and Ke Lun let out a cackle that knocked birds dead from the sky three kilometers off. Grinning, Ke Lun grabbed Bo Kai by the shoulder and started herding stunned Matriarchs into the Council Hall, "Come my friend Bo Kei, the Matriarchs must ... _discuss_ ... this new thing!" As the door to the Hall closed Ke Lun let out another, even more evil, cackle. After they shut, Shan Pu sagged. Ranma put his arm around her shoulder to hold her up, bowing deeply to Si Pizi, "Thank you, Sister." Si Pizi shrugged, a little irritated, "_Some_ Warriors among the Tribe have heads on their shoulders and brains in those heads, little though you'd know it to hear those biddies yammer." She snorted, "Better you should thank your wife, really. If she hadn't Challenged, it would've done no good." "You know," Ranma said, blue eyes twinkling, "that's a good suggestion. I think I will." Shan Pu almost shrieked as Ranma grabbed her with both hands and gave her a deep, searching kiss. Stunned she looked up into the wide blue eyes of the red-haired girl who was her husband. "My hero," Ranma said, lovingly, "Wo de Airen. Wo ai ni!" The sudden blast of love and lust almost knocked Shan Pu down, and she quaked against the need to start ripping at Ranma's clothes there in the middle of the square. Then, beyond her husband's shoulders she saw her cousin Sou Pu, exiting Shan Pu and Ranma's hut with a wink, carrying little Mu Si in her arms. Shan Pu suddenly picked Ranma up and raced for their hut, ignoring the smaller girl's startled squeak. Setting Ranma down just inside the door, she turned and caught a thrown thermos of hot water from a grinning Pa Fume, before slamming the door behind her. The problem wasn't resolved, even if the Council finally agreed to see sense, and there were still many things to do, but Shan Pu had no patience for them. She would steal a page from her husbands book, and let tomorrow's troubles trouble tomorrow tomorrow. For tonight, she had her husband, and some privacy, and some hot water. And for tonight, she intended to enjoy them. Across the square, as the door to the hut slammed shut, Si Pizi raised her face to heaven and rolled her eyes. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Name notes: Bi Da = Bidet Lu Fa = Loofa Bo Kei = Bouquet Tao Wale = Towel Dao Wale = Dowel Si Pizi = Spice Soy Pu = Soap Shu Ga = Sugar Ar O Ma = Aroma Wa Te = Water Sen Te = Scent Ga Lan = Garland Kou Cazhi = Corsage Pa Fume = Perfume Not as good as Takahashi-megami's? Yes, I know, but if you want trilingual puns you should be reading the original, instead of fanfic. The dead men were high ranking Yakuza, or similar. As always with these stories, I have no intention of going back to this universe. If you want to write stories here, send me an email first, is all I ask. Till later, Eric Hallstrom, 01/25/2001